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Their personal interests are fostered & their journey of inquiry supported by the adults in the community. The teachers help them structure their research & dig deeper with questions; parents might have something to offer in the way of experience or skills. I have always been inspired by how children so clearly know<\/em> what they’re interested in; they have many questions about the world, & usually their only problem is deciding on just one on which to focus.<\/p>\nLast year, my husband & I worked with Tom Pitner of Zen Four<\/a>, a life coach. For three months, we explored in particular our “competencies” vs. our “preferences.” Turns out, they’re not always the same thing. As a mom, I have to be competent at a lot of things; & anyone who is a parent knows that just because we can <\/em>do something doesn’t always mean that we want<\/em> to do it. But often, our abilities become equated with our preferences–to the people we work with, to our partners, to ourselves. In many workplaces, we will get assigned a task, we’ll do a great job on it, & then we’ll find that we get assigned that task over & over again–without any question of whether or not we want<\/em> to do that task. Leadership thinks, “Hey, she was awesome at that! Let’s have her do it again next time!” That’s the smart choice for them, right? Pick the person who’s going to do the job well. And as employees, we are flattered to be picked, & we keep doing that task. In fact, because we’re no dummies, we get better at it every time; soon we’re not just doing it well, we’re hitting it out of the park! Now we’re REALLY associated with the success of that task, so the cycle continues.<\/p>\n But so many of us have had the experience where we start asking, “Ugh, why do they keep having me do this?” And we joke with each other, “Don’t do it too well, because then they’ll keep asking.” And resentment builds, especially when someone else who doesn’t do the task well then isn’t asked anymore & they don’t have to do it. None of us would purposefully fail at a task we know we can do well, so we just keep doing the cycle.<\/p>\n So, what I came to understand in my life coaching was:<\/p>\n ABILITY \u2260 PASSION.<\/p>\n Just because I can<\/em> do something doesn’t mean I should<\/em> do it.<\/p>\n But we get trapped into it–sometimes by cultural norm or our upbringing. How many of us make these “should” statements to ourselves?<\/p>\n “If I can bring homemade cookies to the bake sale, I should. I shouldn’t do store bought.”<\/p>\n “If I can do my own taxes, I should. I shouldn’t hire someone to do them.”<\/p>\n “If I can go to the party, I should, even though I think I’m coming down with a cold.”<\/p>\n Really, though. Why? Why should<\/em> you?<\/p>\n Now, we all know that we have to do shit we don’t want to do ALL THE TIME. And we adult & just do it. It’s BECAUSE we already do this that the idea of occasionally asking oneself, “Am I passionate about it?” is important.<\/p>\n If you are passionate about baking, then by all means, bake those artisanal Snickerdoodles. It’s baking with a passion<\/em> that brings you & others joy. You gotta be honest if you’re just trying to impress someone or trying to avoid guilt because you’re impressed by<\/em> someone who bakes & you wish you would care about it as much as she does.<\/p>\n Are you passionate about doing your own taxes? Does it make you feel empowered & financially abundant? Then do it. If not, pay H&R Block & get over it.<\/p>\n Are you passionate about dressing up & going to that party? Then go! If not, I’ll bet $100 that your friend would much rather you go home & take care of yourself & not spread your germs all over the appetizer table. Real<\/em>, emotionally mature friends would rather that.<\/p>\n Our ENTIRE lives can get filled up doing the things we happen to be REALLY GOOD at & yet DON’T want to do. Since we have so many tasks that we can do, should do, & must do, let’s all try to cut at least just those things that we can do, should do, & DON’T HAVE TO DO. That will allow us to carve out just perhaps a few hours a month to do the things we LOVE, that we also CAN do.<\/p>\n I always love a good matrix, so here you go. Copy this on a sheet of paper & fill it in with 2-3 items in each box.<\/p>\n So, for me, it looks something like this:<\/p>\n So guess what I have spent most of my time doing…Yup. The meh stuff. And, this explains why, no wonder, I’m usually really deflated around dinner prep time…<\/p>\n TIME FOR A SHIFT.<\/p>\n I still have to feed my kids. I still have to organize my home. But can I do ever so slightly less of the things that fall into that lower right quadrant, so that maybe I can do just every slightly more of the things that I’m passionate about it? I think so. But that means asking for help!<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.wonderland-photography.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Zara-Rainbow-Egg-300x300.png\")
COMPETENCE \u2260 PREFERENCE<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.wonderland-photography.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Passion-Matrix-e1508445186817.jpg\")
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